October 08, 2010

Blowing Chunks

Here's a joke that I remembered today while at dialysis - one that was so funny the first time I heard it, I laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe:

Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at the party they were at the night before.

1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks.

2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI!

3rd guy: That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed!

1st guy: No, no.. you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog.

Sick? Yes. Tasteless? Absolutely. Funny as hell? Damn straight.

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October 17, 2009

Govt Healthcare PSA

Just cause it's fracking funny!!

Politely glommed from Dad's Deadpool Blog who glommed it from Ace.

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July 30, 2009

A Thermos For You

My daughter and I were watching Steve Martin's first movie The Jerk on television recently and this song got stuck in my head:

Oh I'm picking out a thermos for you
not an ordinary thermos for you
but the extra best thermos you can buy
with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in

I'm picking out a thermos for you
and maybe a barometer too
and what else can I buy
so on me you'll rely
a rear end thermometer too

My daughter had never heard of this movie before.....she was laughing her ass off at it.

It's nice to educate the young in the classics and watch them embrace them.....

Posted by Mad Mikey at 09:25 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

October 01, 2008

The Front Fell Off

My wife sent this to my e-mail and I initially thought it was a complete professional spoof similar to Monty Python.

Check it out and definitely do NOT drink anything while watching it:

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June 04, 2007

Defeating Satan

1,683 guitarists play 'Smoke on Water'

KANSAS CITY, Kansas - More than 1,680 guitar players turned out, tuned up and took part in what organizers say was a world record rendition of Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" a song that was the first many of them ever learned.

Some came from as far away as California and Germany on Sunday to take part in a Kansas City radio station's effort to break a Guinness world record for the most people playing the same song simultaneously. The record had been 1,323 people playing the same song in Vancouver, British Columbia, in 1994.

"It was cool to see little kids playing, people who had been playing for their whole lives, like older people, and then I'm sure there were people like me who just picked up the song a couple days before," said Autumn McPherson, of Winfield, a senior at the University of Kansas.

Preliminary numbers show 1,683 people played the popular early '70s guitar riff on Sunday at CommunityAmerica Ballpark.

"I thought it was going to be kind of cheesy," said Hannah Koch, of Prairie Village, who came clad in an elf costume. "But after I got here, I got caught up in the excitement of it."

I wonder what the song would be if almost 1,700 bassists got together to blast one specific song. I'm thinking it would be 'Rock You Like a Hurricane'; when I first purchased by Fender P-Bass back in 1988 when I was in the Navy, my good friend who was teaching me the basics of music and playing once said to me You have to learn 'Rock You Like a Hurricane'.....ALL bass players know that one!!

And so working off of the chords that he knew from the song, together we figured out how to play it on my bass. I didn't really know the notes or for that matter what key it was in, but I learned where on the fretboard to put my fingers. To this day (19 years later), it's still a cool song to 'jam' along with to warm up.

SLIGHTLY GOOFY SIDE NOTE: When I first saw this over at LGF, I was reminded of one of the most hilarious sketches from the show 'The Kids in the Hall'. The sketch was called 'Bobby & the Devil' where a kid jamming in his basement defeats Satan by playing....'Smoke on the Water':

Bruce: (Playing guitar) E, A, B. E, A, B, A. The rift Bruce is plying is none other than Deep Purple's song "Smoke On The Water."
God, my wife and I would laugh our asses off watching that show.....and I'm talking laughing so hard that we'd almost asphyxiate ourselves. It's a complete shame that it's no longer produced.

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March 30, 2007

Hey Alec....

If you're really interested in helping people, send some of that love my way.

I promise: if you help pay for the rest of my education, I promise I won't enlist in the military.

Honestly - while I most probably will not agree with Mr. Baldwin on political issues, I do admire his acting and wouldn't have a problem accepting his financial assistance. Even better: he could help out my daughter in preparing for college.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 07, 2007

Spazzing Out

Every so often you encounter someone who is.....obsessed with a particular game.

Some people silently ask themselves just what is this person's problem!?! and then forget about it and get on with their lives.

Here's one German kid that spends way too much time on the computer and maybe needs some pharmaceutical help.

(P.S. - If you've seen this elsewhere then.....well, good for you.)

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October 12, 2006

Truth Unveiled!!

I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd be typing these words: 9/11 was a governmental plot.

Here's the proof.

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October 10, 2006

Too Bad

It's a shame that they won't use this ad.....it actually makes sense.

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September 01, 2006

All Your Bowflex Are Belong to Us

Normally, I loathe comment spam, but this one is funny because of the great care put into the wording of it:

Excellent design! has liked. Come to me on a visit. I shall be glad to all visitors;)


Yes indeed - All Your Bowflex Are Belong to Us!!

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August 07, 2006


Well, I know someone will make a yuk-yuk out of it and it might as well start with me:

You know anybody who needs an "anti-stupid" pill?

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German scientist has been testing an "anti-stupidity" pill with encouraging results on mice and fruit flies, Bild newspaper reported Saturday.

It said Hans-Hilger Ropers, director at Max-Planck-Institute for Molecular Genetics in Berlin, has tested a pill thwarting hyperactivity in certain brain nerve cells, helping stabilize short-term memory and improve attentiveness.

"With mice and fruit flies we were able to eliminate the loss of short-term memory," Ropers, 62, is quoted saying in the German newspaper, which has dubbed it the "world's first anti-stupidity pill."

Ahem......okay, now if we can just get it into the Democratic National Convention's kool aid mix.....

Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:21 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

June 17, 2006

Greg Gutfeld

I've never heard of this guy before, but I'll be checking out his site(s) in the coming days: The Daily Gut

Q & A with Greg Gutfeld

Here's one small snippet from the interview that basically 'says it all':

How would you rate Bush’s performance on 1) the war in Iraq, 2) immigration, 3) social issues (gay marriage, abortion, etc.)?

1) The war: At a time when many of the West’s leaders are racing to capitulate thousands of years of industrial and intellectual development to the worst medieval lunatics on earth, Bush has had the guts to finally DO something. But I guess supporters are just tired of having to do all the talking for him. That’s what is so infuriating. Even with a world press that essentially hates free enterprise, we should be able to get far better ink than we do. Hamas gets better press than the 82nd Airborne. That’s as much the State Department’s fault as it is Paul Krugman’s or LeMonde.

(Hat tip to Right Wing News for providing the initial link)

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June 01, 2006

Bewar of Drop Bears

UPDATE: Because this was so funny the first time around.....

I got something in my email this morning that made me laugh out loud - very loud.
Gotta love the wacky Aussies.

These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour:

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

However, the one that almost got me thrown out of the library cause I howled was this one:
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
UPDATE II: Comments are now enabled for this re-post.

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May 20, 2006

Don't Tease the Lion

Not a good time to rely upon that shatterproof glass cage to save you...

UPDATE: I guess this qualifies for Cat Blogging Friday!

UPDATE II: I had to substitute this photo because it was being hotlinked by some assknobs here.

It took me a little while to find this post - I guess I initially did it on one of those days where there wasn't much to blog about......I'd usually look through the YahooNews photos to find something usually funny like this lion snearing at the man through the window.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 08:15 AM | Comments (1)

May 14, 2006


Chris Muir answers that nagging question that most of us speak: Are these people THAT stupid to believe in conspiracies!?!

Politely glommed from Chris Muir

Conspiracy? Feh!

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April 12, 2006

Die Hippies Die!

Image politely glommed from Something....and Half a Something

Something I found posted over at Linda's place.

It's funny.

Watch it or I'll have to venture forth and club some baby seals.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 09:18 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 08, 2006


This is one of the many things that I really missed while I was in the hospital and stranded with no Internet:

Ever-so-politely glommed from John Bergstrom's Attack Cartoons

Thanks again to xardoz for the Paypal link on 'Attack Cartoons'.....it really means a lot to see the support I'm getting from everyone.

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March 05, 2006

Name That Movie!

Yogimus has a trivia question that I totally blew away in about 0.3 nanoseconds:


Name That movie!
I don't understand what happened to you two!
-Well, we used to be pussweeds, but now we're metal! Now get over here and put out!

My response:

Since I now have (at least) two screws in my noggin, I know exactly which movie it is:

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

My wife & I have been joking that I'm totally metal dude!! with the addition of this hardware

Now I just have to avoid making stupid jokes at the airport.....

Posted by Mad Mikey at 06:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 29, 2005

Revenge of 'News You Can Use'