** Yeah, I know this has been circulating around for years....but it's still hilarious!! **
From "Actual" performance evaluations!
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Hopefully, none of us will be seeing similar ones on ours.
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
- He's got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
- A gross ignoramus - - - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.
- He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
- I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
- He's been working with glue too much.
- He would argue with a signpost.
- He has a knack for making strangers immediately.
- He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
- When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
- If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he's the other one.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for Natural de-Selection.
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
- Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
- Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.
- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- One neuron short of a Synapse.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
- Takes him 1.5 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- The wheel is still turning, but the hamster is dead
And the scary part is....I think I work with some of these people....and they're supervisors! Eeek!!
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Comments on Performance Evaluations
One of the harshest evals I have ever seen (this was off of a real USN eval) included these two gems:
- Shows neither the aptitude nor the inclination for her chosen rating.
- Supervisors spend more time counseling her than they receive back in productive work time.
Needless to say, she was being separated with an OTH. The theft thing just accelerated the process.
|| Posted by timekeeper, October 10, 2005 06:10 PM ||