Durka-Durka-Muhammed-Jihad!!
UPDATE: Because this was so funny the first time around.....
Gotta love the wacky Aussies.However, the one that almost got me thrown out of the library cause I howled was this one:These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour:
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees (USA)UPDATE II: Comments are now enabled for this re-post.
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
ROFLMAO!
I'm going to have to copy this and send it to my Aussie friend!
Drop Bears. Before the Internet, we used to
Read more in Bewar of Drop Bears
Carole said:
Doesn't matter Mikey, it was very funny. I laughed out loud too.
Read more in Bewar of Drop BearsThey walk among us, they reproduce, and they VOTE
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I li
Read more in Bewar of Drop Bears
Mad Mikey said:
Smash: I had a feeling that it was another internet myth.....but it's still funny.
Read more in Bewar of Drop BearsDon't piss in the pot just cause you don't like the coffee
Read more in Bewar of Drop Bears
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Funny, but not true.
According to Snopes:
This list of cheeky answers to dumb tourist queries has been circulated on the Internet in various forms since at least 2000. While 2006 iterations of the list position it as having to do with the 2010 Winter Olympics (which will be held in Vancouver, British Columbia), earlier Canadian versions merely noted the questions and answers had come from "An International Tourism Website" (always unnamed).
This list of howlers exists in at least two other forms, however: Australian and South African. It is an omnibus humor piece, in that the questions and insolent responses thereto can be reworked to fit most any country.
In 2000, the purported tourist inquiries were presented within a framework of their having been asked in relation to the summer Olympics (which were held in Sydney, Australia, that year). Versions being circulated offered the claims that these questions and answers were from "the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site," or were "Questions e-mailed to the Olympics Info Line," or merely "Posted on an Australian Tourism Website."
|| Posted by SMASH, June 1, 2006 08:23 AM ||Yeah! What He said!
|| Posted by Tetzman, June 1, 2006 09:56 AM ||Don't piss in the pot just cause you don't like the coffee
|| Posted by Yogimus, June 1, 2006 11:03 AM ||Smash: I had a feeling that it was another internet myth.....but it's still funny.
|| Posted by Mad Mikey, June 1, 2006 11:30 AM ||They walk among us, they reproduce, and they VOTE
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a
new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer
were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. This
one was from Kingman, KS.
_______________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. And he was a Kansas City chef!
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know? He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened
in Birmingham, Ala.
_______________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of
mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it
signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What
on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in
Wichita, KS
______________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was
leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully,
"This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all
just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a
bunch at Texas Instruments.
______________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back
into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would
not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.
________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
|| Posted by Tetzman, June 1, 2006 01:28 PM ||pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I
announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I
already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,
Mississippi!
Doesn't matter Mikey, it was very funny. I laughed out loud too.
|| Posted by Carole, June 1, 2006 03:34 PM ||Drop Bears. Before the Internet, we used to have lots of fun with Uncle Sam's Misguided Children, telling them about the Drop Bears, the Deadly Stinging Trees, the 25-ft long Crocs, and so on.
|| Posted by Zoe Brain, June 1, 2006 09:44 PM ||ROFLMAO!
|| Posted by Maeve, June 2, 2006 04:09 AM ||I'm going to have to copy this and send it to my Aussie friend!