Durka-Durka-Muhammed-Jihad!!
Scripps Prepares to Study the Effects of Alcohol on Everything
The Scripps Institute Neuroscience Department, working in conjunction with the UCSD Psychology department, has researched sleeping behavior, coupling habits, drug use, and alcohol consumption. In preparation for this year’s Sun God Festival, the latter two have been singled out for further study by the Scripps Institute. Dr. Erwin Chesterfield, one of the neuroscientists involved with the project, expressed confidence that the experiment was “gonna be fuckin’ sick.”
Chesterfield continued, saying that “the study aims to test the effects of alcohol and marijuana on students, research assistants, researchers, "Frank’s Rottweiler", a Venus fly trap, several endangered species of fish, and just about everything on the second floor of the Institute.”
Certain legal and ethical dilemmas have been raised about the planned study. “People are asking all sorts of questions,” noted Chesterfield, “questions like, ‘Is feeding a Venus fly trap marijuana like cannibalism?’ and ‘Is there actually such a thing as too many pop-tarts?’”
Researchers have been frequenting psychology, cognitive science, linguistics, environmental science and visual arts courses inviting students to fill out waivers that ask such questions as, “Do you drink alcohol? During a typical week, how many drinks do you have?” and “Do you party? Precisely how hard?”
This data, along with students’ contact information, is being used to select a cross section from the UCSD populace to participate in the research. Students are anxiously awaiting invitations to the much anticipated study.
“I’ve heard those research people are fucking crazy,” confessed Muir Sophomore Brian Nielson. “I heard the last time they studied the effects of alcohol they all ended up naked in a hot tub with some random people they picked up in Pacific Beach and this dude Frank.”
“Goddamn I wanna gather data!” added Nielson.
The Institute’s efforts to study the effects of alcohol have met with more political resistance than their cannabis research. However, the modest school funding they began with—a $7,100 Graduate Student Association bar tab at Porter’s Pub—soon blossomed into an endowment providing enough money for a fully stocked laboratory, plush offices, and Internet-equipped beer helmets.
Although the funding for the project has drastically increased, “it’s still not enough,” commented GSA President Eric Frechette. “That’s why we passed a referendum to raise student fees. It is important research and we can’t go doing it with Popov and Pabst.”
('Borrowed' from the UCSD MQ)
If anyone knows how to get involved in this PLEASE email me. FOr science sake, or for something
Read more in UCSD Research on the Cutting Edge
deuddersun said:
Why don't I just send them a small vial of my blood. It's got all the ingredients they could pos
Read more in UCSD Research on the Cutting Edge
jaws said:
Yeah Neuroscience!!! :)
(UCSD actually has one of the best departments in the country in te
Read more in UCSD Research on the Cutting Edge
Comments on UCSD Research on the Cutting Edge
Yeah Neuroscience!!! :)
|| Posted by jaws, September 22, 2004 02:51 PM ||(UCSD actually has one of the best departments in the country in terms of faculty in neuroscience as well).
Why don't I just send them a small vial of my blood. It's got all the ingredients they could possibly hope for, updated daily!
d.
|| Posted by deuddersun, September 26, 2004 04:38 PM ||If anyone knows how to get involved in this PLEASE email me. FOr science sake, or for something else's sake. Thanks, kyle
|| Posted by Kyle, April 4, 2005 08:31 PM ||