Durka-Durka-Muhammed-Jihad!!
I heard something similar on the radio this morning as I drove into work.
I'm sure this has been recycled numerous times since it's original inception, but it's still funny as it really does indeed reflect the psychosis brought on by trying to be politically correct in this day & age.
It's also another positive affirmation in my desire to get a degree in engineering and to not work in such positions as this one.
December 1 MemoFROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas PartyI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will be held on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band will play traditional carols...feel free to sing-along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree.
Exchanging gifts among employees can be done at this time. Please remember to keep gifts to the agreed $10 limit.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
December 2 MemoFROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas PartyIn no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday and often coincides with Christmas (although not this year). However, from now on we're calling this party our Holiday Party. The same policy also applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no tree or Christmas carols sung.
Happy holidays to you and yours.
December 3 MemoFROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday PartyRegarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate your request but please remember that if I put a sign on the table that reads "AA Only" you won't be anonymous any more.
In addition, we'll no longer be having a gift exchange because union members feel that $10 is too much money.
December 7 MemoFROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday PartyWhat a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 2 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not ccommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party the days are so short this time of year or else package everything for takehome in little foil swans. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest away from the dessert table and for pregnant members to sit closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gays; each group will have its own table. And, yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
Happy now?
December 8 MemoFROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday PartySo December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a tapdance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earthbased Goddessworshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay???
December 9 MemoFROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 9
RE: Holiday PartyPeople! People! Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus. Even if the anagram for "Santa" does happen to be "Satan." There is no evil connation to our own little "man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?
December 10 MemoFROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday PartyVegetarians! I've had it with you people. We're holding this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not. You can just sit at the table farthest from the "Grill of Death" as you call it, and you'll get salad bar only including hydroponics tomatoes. Tomatoes have feelings too, you know. They scream when you slice them. I can hear them now. I hope you have a rotten holiday. Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
December 14 MemoFROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday PartyI'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime management has decided to cancel the Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
We hope that this change does not offend anyone.
Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
Happy Hannukwanzmas to you and your familial unit.
Read more in
Trackback Information for
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://blog2.mu.nu/cgi/trackback.cgi/135119Christmas PartyListed below are links to weblogs that reference '
Christmas Party'.Comments on
Christmas PartyHappy Hannukwanzmas to you and your familial unit.
|| Posted by Cait, December 6, 2005 05:25 AM ||