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June 29, 2006

Close Call

Citizen Smash almost became his monicker last night......in a past tense fashion.

Very close call indeed.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

June 27, 2006

Oh Yeah

Charlie over at OPFOR highlights a Butt Monkey Launch by way of an Associated Press headline:

Head-slapping headline of the day

Wars force Army equipment costs to triple

You mean wars cost the Army more money than peacetime? Somebody get the Pentagon on the line -quick!

Yeah.....it don't get no dumber than that.

I must congratulate Charlie for not sucumbing to brain damage from scanning headlines like that constantly - I tend to get numb after the first two or three.....

(And as a side note: Madonna is still a material girl, getting older by the day, and had nothing to contribute to this post)

Posted by Mad Mikey at 06:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 06:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

June 24, 2006

Catch All Post

Haven' t posted much lately - I've been recovering from a mini-vacation up in Los Angeles with some close friends over the last week.

I'll be going into more detail with the next post - including photos - of our trip to Disneyland and to Hollywood Blvd (my first time there).

Posted by Mad Mikey at 01:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 01:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

June 22, 2006

We Are AOL - You Will Be Assimilated

Every-so-often I have episodes like Vincent has had, but this takes the cake:

AOL virtually refuses to cancel man's account

One man's attempt to cancel his America Online account is reverberating across the U.S. and world after the customer recorded the conversation and then posted it on his blog.

Vincent Ferrari tried to end his membership with AOL, but dealt with a company representative who apparently did not want to lose his business.

Read the whole thing - it is quite honestly something you'd see in a Monty Python comedy sketch. It's almost like being assimilated by the Borg.

It makes me glad that I never, ever signed up for AOL.

To be honest, I did sign up for Compuserve years ago, but when they sucked $100+ out of my checking account because the connection number was an older 800 number that charged me basically $1 per minute, I learned to stay away from big companies like them.

And I only recently got away from dial-up service with my credit union.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 09:56 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 09:56 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

June 17, 2006

Greg Gutfeld

I've never heard of this guy before, but I'll be checking out his site(s) in the coming days: The Daily Gut

Q & A with Greg Gutfeld

Here's one small snippet from the interview that basically 'says it all':

How would you rate Bush’s performance on 1) the war in Iraq, 2) immigration, 3) social issues (gay marriage, abortion, etc.)?

1) The war: At a time when many of the West’s leaders are racing to capitulate thousands of years of industrial and intellectual development to the worst medieval lunatics on earth, Bush has had the guts to finally DO something. But I guess supporters are just tired of having to do all the talking for him. That’s what is so infuriating. Even with a world press that essentially hates free enterprise, we should be able to get far better ink than we do. Hamas gets better press than the 82nd Airborne. That’s as much the State Department’s fault as it is Paul Krugman’s or LeMonde.

(Hat tip to Right Wing News for providing the initial link)

Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:58 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:58 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

Dixie 'Forrest Gump' Chicks Lament

In an interview with the UK's Telegraph, the Dixie Chicks ponder why their fans 'turned on them':

How the Chicks survived their scrap with Bush

The Chicks can't hide their disgust at the lack of support they received from other country performers. "A lot of artists cashed in on being against what we said or what we stood for because that was promoting their career, which was a horrible thing to do," says Robison.

"A lot of pandering started going on, and you'd see soldiers and the American flag in every video. It became a sickening display of ultra-patriotism."

But what is really amazing (since stupid is a bit harsh) is this:
"The entire country may disagree with me, but I don't understand the necessity for patriotism," Maines resumes, through gritted teeth. "Why do you have to be a patriot? About what? This land is our land? Why? You can like where you live and like your life, but as for loving the whole country… I don't see why people care about patriotism."
I guess it'll take a clue in Aisle Four to get them to maybe grasp why it is that their fans turned on them......duh.

This qualifies as a 'Launching a Butt Monkey'.....

And I'm still standing by my prediction that the sisters - Emily Robison and Martie Maguire - will wake up one morning, smell the coffee, and throw Natalie out of the band saying that 'she never spoke for us'.....wait for it.

(Hat tip to Little Green Footballs)

Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:34 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:34 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

June 13, 2006

Slick Willy is Off His Medication

Clinton Links GOP Policies to More Storms

As Tropical Storm Alberto threatened to strengthen into the ninth hurricane in 22 months to affect Florida, former President Clinton predicted Monday that Republican environmental policies will lead to more severe storms.

"It is now generally recognized that while Al Gore and I were ridiculed, we were right about global warming," Clinton said at a fundraiser for the Florida Democratic Party. "It's a serious problem. It's going to lead to more hurricanes."

Gore's documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth," chronicles the former vice president's efforts to educate the public about global warming. It's in limited release around the country.

In his critique of the GOP, Clinton also touched on the war in Iraq, the rising federal deficit and high health care costs. The crowd of about 500 greeted him with loud applause and shouts of "We love you, Bill!" and "Four more years!"

Jeff Sadosky, spokesman for the state Republican Party, decried Clinton's rhetoric. "Bill Clinton's class warfare and race-baiting message gets us no closer to solutions for the issues he brings up," he said.

That's it Bill......the GOP is responsible for hundreds of years of increased warming on a global scale. Hmm....you might want to see if there's a guarentee on that Oxford education you got cause it would seem that you're quoting a phone book.

But the interesting part of this article is this:

Sadosky referred in part to Clinton's comments earlier this month in Arizona. At that event, Clinton characterized Republican Party leaders as right-wing, white Southerners.
Wouldn't that be considered 'hate speech' by Clinton's standards?

Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:31 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:31 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

June 10, 2006

Final Exams Again

Although I'm only taking one class this quarter (at the insistance of my wife), it's time to prepare for the final exam.

The class is 'Linear Control System Theory' and the final exam is next Friday morning which means that I've got just under a week to prepare.

The nice part of preparing is that the professor is aware of what has happened to me in the last few months and that my taking his class was risky.

And why am I mentioning this?

Well, after the final class yesterday morning, the prof walked up to me and asked how was I doing in the class and if I was ready for the final exam.

I told him that while I had more-or-less retained the subject matter from the last time I took the class (last spring), I was having trouble with the material covered in the last few weeks......so much that it would be like tossing my daughter into an electronics class with no preperation. I have been reading and re-reading the chapters in the book, hoping that while staring and working the problem sets that all-of-a-sudden: click!, it would suddenly make sense. And it has.....to a small extent.

The prof told me that if I didn't feel prepared for the final exam that he'd prefer that I take an incomplete in the class and take an oral final (please, save the jokes - I've thought of them all) in the fall.

I knew that I shouldn't make a decision right then-and-there, and I told the prof that while I still have a week to prepare for the final that I'd let him know the morning of the final exam; if I felt ready, I'd walk in and take it - if I didn't feel prepared, I'd let him know and arrange to take an oral examination from him in the fall.

So.....I've got about a week to determine if I'm capable of taking the final exam. The final will cover root locus - mainly sketching a root locus drawing for a given feedback system and frequency response stuff which is what I'm shaky on.

So this week I'll be pounding this stuff into my brain and I'll see how I'm feeling come next Friday morning.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:39 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:39 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

June 09, 2006

MCAS Miramar Operation Thank You

San Diego Protest Warrior brings another installment of Operation THANK YOU to Miramar!

Who: Anyone who supports the military.

What: A demonstration of gratitude for our military and their families.

When: Friday, June 9th, 4:30 – 6pm.

Where: The North Gate of Miramar Marine Corps Air Station.

How: With American flags, and signs that simply read “Thank You.”

Why: To express our gratitude, boost morale, and counter the negative message of the defeatist demonstrators.

Come join us in saying 'Thank You' to our military.

Participants can find parking across the street in the strip mall parking lot.

See you there!!

Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Democratic Crap

I know that 'stereotyping' is a B-A-D thing to do, but incidents like this seem to keep occuring more and more. And more and more they're perpetrated by the 'prograssive-thinking' people that work for Democrats:

Dog Feces Left at Congresswoman's Office

Republican U.S. Rep. Marilyn Musgrave's re-election campaign was already heated, and it just got smelly as well: Her staff accused a Democratic activist Thursday of leaving an envelope full of dog feces at Musgrave's Greeley office.

Musgrave spokesman Shaun Kenney said someone stuffed the envelope through the mail slot in the door on May 31 and then sped away in a car. Kenney said most of the preprinted return address was blacked out, but staffers used the nine-digit ZIP code to trace it to Kathleen Ensz, a Weld County Democratic volunteer.

Ensz told The Associated Press she left the envelope at Musgrave's office but said it "wasn't in the office doors, it was in the foyer." Asked what she meant by the act, she declined comment.

Michelle Malkin has a lot more on this.....progressive woman that delivered the letter.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:46 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:46 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

June 08, 2006

Zarqawi is Now Room Temperature

Damn......I hate it when someone drops a 500-lb bomb on my meetings......

Check out the Flash video of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi’s last minute on planet Earth here.

(Hat tip to Little Green Footballs)

UPDATE: Michelle Malking and Allah Pundit have another version of the bombing run.....with an excellent soundtrack!!

Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 10:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

June 07, 2006

'Brave' Officer?

Officer at Fort Lewis calls Iraq war illegal, refuses order to go

In a rare case of officer dissent, a Fort Lewis Army lieutenant has refused orders to head out to Iraq this month to lead troops in what he believes is an illegal war of occupation.

1st Lt. Ehren Watada was scheduled to make his first deployment to Iraq this month. His refusal to accompany the Stryker brigade troops puts him at risk of court martial and years of prison time.

"I feel that we have been lied to and betrayed by this administration," Watada said Tuesday in a telephone interview from Fort Lewis. "It is the duty, the obligation of every soldier, and specifically the officers, to evaluate the legality, the truth behind every order -- including the order to go to war."

In making his decision, Watada has reached out to peace groups, including clergy, students, some veterans opposed to Iraq and others. Some war critics are raising money for his legal defense as they seek to galvanize broader opposition to Bush administration policy in Iraq.

Smash and I were talking about this clown this past weekend and we both agreed that this guy knew exactly what he was getting into when he accepted his commission. To 'suddenly' have second-thoughts (to me) shows that he doesn't have the capability to think ahead or think-on-his-feet. Not a really good quality in being an officer.

To me, he's being just Four-kinds-of-stupid™ and in his 'reaching out to peace-groups', he's well on his way to becoming another tool - just like SWWNBN and Pablo "Patooey" Paredes.

It'll take months before anything happens to this officer, but I do know that he's gonna hate being busted to E-1 and being thrown in the stockade.

Hey pal - it'll suck to be you, but you know what you're getting into.....

Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:36 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:36 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Primary Results

I hate to admit this, but I didn't get a chance to vote yesterday - too many things happening and I wasn't (and still aren't) feeling so great as the dialysis process has 'improved' with a higher filtration rate; more garbage pulled out means that I'm 'feeling' it more.

But that's okay - the main issues that I was wanting to vote on got killed:

State Ballot Measures

Prop 81 - Library Bond
YES = 1,865,583 -- 46.9 %
NO = 2,104,230 -- 53.1 %

Prop 82 - Pre-school/Higher Taxes
YES = 1,577,048 -- 39.1 %
NO = 2,453,578 -- 60.9 %

Prop 82 took a spectacular beating - over 60% said 'I don't think so Tim!'

'Maybe we'll start hearing about 'voting irregularities' that caused these lame props to fail....I'd actually be surprised if there weren't any people whining about them.

And want-do-you-know? Brian Bilbray beat Francine "You don't need no stinking papers!" Busby. Damn....I hate it when that happens.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

June 06, 2006

Stealth Wings

You thought it was just another 'gimick' in a James Bond movie?


Here's something that the men of the 101st and 82nd airborne could have used 62 years ago:

Special forces to use strap-on 'stealth wings'

Elite special forces troops being dropped behind enemy lines on covert missions are to ditch their traditional parachutes in favour of strap-on stealth wings.

The lightweight carbon fibre mono-wings will allow them to jump from high altitudes and then glide 120 miles or more before landing - making them almost impossible to spot, as their aircraft can avoid flying anywhere near the target.

The technology was demonstrated in spectacular fashion three years ago when Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner - a pioneer of freefall gliding - famously 'flew' across the English Channel, leaping out of an aircraft 30,000ft above Dover and landing safely near Calais 12 minutes later.

Wearing an aerodynamic suit, and with a 6ft wide wing strapped to his back, he soared across the sea at 220mph, moving six feet forward through the air for every one foot he fell vertically - and opened his parachute 1,000ft above the ground before landing safely.

That's some kick-ass stuff there....

Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:31 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:31 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

Operation Overlord

Today is the 62nd anniversary of Operation Overlord.

From the U.S. Navy's 'Dates in Naval History' page:

June 6

1944 - In Operation Overlord, Allied invasion fleet (over 2700 ships and craft) land troops on Normandy beaches, the largest amphibious landing in history

This event marked the 'beginning of the end' of Nazi Germany's domination of the continent of Europe.

Following the liberation of all occupied countries, the people poured out onto the streets to greet, kiss, and hug the Americans as they pushed on to finish the war that was started years before.

The sad part?

The sad part is that while there are some that remember it was the United States that applied force and liberated them, it would seem that most people in Europe would just as soon forget that America played a significant part in their lives today.

UPDATE: Citizen Smash reminds us of another significant event in history that happened on June 4, 1943: the Battle of Midway.

In a spread of three days, the Japanese were handed their asses to them on a plate by the United States Navy with the sinking of four aircraft carriers - it changed the landscape of the war in the Pacific and I feel quite the fool for forgetting such a turning point in World War II.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

June 05, 2006

Historical Butt-Stomping

Charlie over at OPFOR reminds us of a significant event that happened right before I was born - the Six Day War on 1973.

The war changed the 'landscape' of the Middle East - so much that the Palestinians are still whining about the 'stolen land' and it's probably the one war/event that most Middle Eastern nations still won't really acknowledge to this day.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 02:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 02:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Conditional Free Speech

Speaking out about current events is still part of 'Freedom of Speech'....unless you're speaking against illegal immigration:

Southern California School Sued for Silencing Student on Illegal Immigration

The law firm of Lively, Ackerman & Cowles has sued California's Jurupa Unified School District for silencing a student who attempted to speak out on the issue of illegal immigration in a peaceful way.

Riverside, CA (PRWEB) June 5, 2006 -- The public interest firm of Lively, Ackerman & Cowles (www.LivelyAckerman.com) filed suit on behalf of Jurupa Valley High School student Joshua Denhalter late last week. The First Amendment suit alleges that the public high school has intentionally interfered with his right to speak out on the issue of illegal immigration. Case Number RIC450811 was filed in Riverside County Superior Court.

Mr. Denhalter alleges that on March 27, 2006, dozens of high school students, mostly of Mexican-American descent, illegally walked out of school in protest of legislation that was being proposed by the U.S. Congress (HR4437) concerning illegal immigration. He was not one of these students and chose to act lawfully.

Instead of illegally walking out of school and being truant, Denhalter chose to organize a legitimate and lawful counter-protest/assembly during the lunch hour on or about March 30, 2006. The peaceable assembly was to take place across from the school on a public sidewalk (i.e., a traditional public forum).

The peaceable assembly would not have disrupted school activities because Jurupa Valley High School has an "open lunch" period. This means that students are free to come and go during this time. As such, any student could have "walked out" during the lunch to attend the assembly and there would be no disruption or violation of truancy laws.

On the morning of March 30, 2006, Denhalter began handing out flyers for his event. That same morning, around 7:30 AM, he was approached by school officials and told that he could not hand out flyers advertising his First Amendment protected activities. He refused to give up his right to pass out handbills/flyers. As a result of his refusal to give up his constitutional rights, Denhalter was suspended for "handing out flyers (before school) advocating the disruption of school activities". However, the school did not punish the dozens of students who walked out in violation of the law several days before.

Furthermore, between March 27 and March 30, 2006, the school allowed MECHA to sponsor an on-campus rally in opposition to HR4437. Denhalter asked for permission to sponsor a similar counter-rally on campus but was flatly denied by the school district's board.

Finally, just the week before filing of this complaint, on May 25, 2006, the school prohibited Denhalter from wearing a "Save Our State" t-shirt by telling him that he needed to turn the shirt inside out and not ever wear it again. The content of the political speech set forth on the shirt was the sole basis for this censorship and prior restraint of Denhalter’s rights. He seeks a restraining order allowing him to express himself freely as to political matters until the end of the school year (i.e., June 21, 2006).

Yeah, nothing like teaching kids that here in the United States we're all free to speak our minds....unless you're going against the craze du jour.

Oh and gee.....Jurupa High School has it's own chapter of MeChA. It's so nice to see that the school isn't promoting racial bias with it's students.

If you'd like to send them a note of congratulations telling them what hypocrites they are, here's some contact information:

(Hat tip to Michelle Malkin)

Posted by Mad Mikey at 06:07 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 06:07 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

MuNu Denial of Service Attack

I guess I wasn't paying attention but the MuNu chunk of the blogsphere sustained at least two denial of service attacks on Saturday.

Our blog-diety, Pixy, shored up the firewall protecting the MuNu servers and we're back in business. Pixy so rocks!!

I haven't read anything as to indicate why MuNu was attacked - I guess the DOS perpetratiors just don't like Munuvians......

Posted by Mad Mikey at 05:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 05:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

June 04, 2006

Fear of a Flag

England afraid to fly its own flag

Following threats by extremist Islamic group, several corporations, chain of pubs ban England flag

Following warnings by extremist Islamic group al-Muhajiroun, in which the group said that the red cross in the England flag symbolizes the 'blood thirsty crusaders' and the occupation of Muslims, some of the largest companies in England have ordered their workers not to wave the flags.

The flag has recently appeared in England on everything from bikinis to cars, and sold in endless versions in stores.

But the Islamic protest forced some corporations, such as cable companies NTL, Heathrow airport in London, and even the Drivers and Vehicles Licensing Agency to ban the flag in every form due to fears from reactions of Muslims.

The Sun tabloid newspaper has in recent days launched a campaign to bring back the flag, and has published a blacklist of companies preventing their workers from expressing their patriotism at work.

The Sun said that a large pub network has banned drinkers from entering with symbols of the national team.

The hero of the day is a two year-old toddler, who was thrown out with his parents from Leicester, because he wore the England team's uniform.

Jeez....how long until we start seeing this crap here in the United States?

Well, here's a preemptive 'Bite Me'!!

(By way of Little Green Footballs)

Posted by Mad Mikey at 08:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 08:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

June 03, 2006

California Primary Propositions

Believe it or not, I had virually forgotten that the June primary is next Tuesday and California voters are supposed to vote on two different propositions.

Read More of "California Primary Propositions"

Posted by Mad Mikey at 12:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 12:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

No Hablo Francine

I'm thinking that the person(s) responsible for packing the audience with 'supporters' might be looking through the classified ads this morning.....for a new job:

Busby on defense, says she misspoke

If an election can turn on a sentence, this could be the one: "You don't need papers for voting."

On Thursday night, Francine Busby, the Democratic candidate for the 50th Congressional District, was speaking before a largely Latino crowd in Escondido when she uttered those words. She said yesterday she simply misspoke.

But someone taped it and a recording began circulating yesterday. After she made that statement at the meeting, Busby immediately said: "You don't need to be a registered voter to help (the campaign)."

She said that subsequent statement was to clarify what she meant.

The recording, which was played yesterday on Roger Hedgecock's radio talk show, jolted the campaign.

Busby, a Cardiff school board member, is in a tight race with Republican Brian Bilbray, a congressman-turned-lobbyist, who has based his campaign on a tough anti-illegal-immigration stance. Busby has focused her campaign on ethics reform. The two are vying to replace Randy "Duke" Cunningham, who was jailed after pleading guilty to taking bribes.

Busby said she was invited to the forum at the Jocelyn Senior Center in Escondido by the leader of a local soccer league. Many of the 50 or so people there were Spanish speakers. Toward the end, a man in the audience asked in Spanish: "I want to help, but I don't have papers."

It was translated and Busby replied: "Everybody can help, yeah, absolutely, you can all help. You don't need papers for voting, you don't need to be a registered voter to help."

Bilbray said at worst, Busby was encouraging someone to vote illegally. At best, she was encouraging someone who is illegally in the country to work on her campaign.

"She's soliciting illegal aliens to campaign for her and it's on tape – this isn't exactly what you call the pinnacle of ethical campaign strategy," Bilbray said. "I don't know how she shows her face."

I hate to be the poor slob that has to tell Francine about the media storm when she calls to find out the latest polling.

Here is the audio of Busby killing her campaign.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 08:58 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 08:58 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

June 01, 2006

Palestinians Care for their Children

By way of Little Green Footballs:

Kids brandish guns to test IDF vigilance

A group of Palestinian children were sent towards the Gaza Strip border fence holding toy guns on Thursday in order to test the vigilance of the soldiers on duty.

From a distance, troops noticed four apparently armed Palestinians approaching the border north of the Kissufim crossing.

When the four were some 400 meters from the fence, the soldiers realized that they were children, who looked to be about 13 years of age, and that their guns were toys.

And people wonder why I always say that they Palestinians should have another heaping helping of 'F*ck You Stew'....?

Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:40 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 11:40 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Bewar of Drop Bears

UPDATE: Because this was so funny the first time around.....

I got something in my email this morning that made me laugh out loud - very loud.
Gotta love the wacky Aussies.

These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour:

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

However, the one that almost got me thrown out of the library cause I howled was this one:
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
UPDATE II: Comments are now enabled for this re-post.

Posted by Mad Mikey at 07:55 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)
Posted by Mad Mikey at 07:55 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)


October 2009
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About Me

Who is Mikey?
Mikey playing with digital camera

Mikey is a forty-something U.S. Navy veteran that is currently taking a break from being a full-time student at UC San Diego studying electrical engineering.

He's also a husband, a father, a former Independent/Democrat and is currently dealing with dialysis and getting on the national kidney transplant list.

The words written here are his opinions and his observations on the stupid things in life. If you do not like them or do not agree with them: tough squishies. In America, you're entitled to Freedom of Speech not Freedom to Not Be Offended.

Help Mikey by not being part of the problem and instead, be part of the solution so that he doesn't have to comment on your sorry actions.

Contact Mikey


AIM: madmikeysblog

YIM: madmikey92037

Any/all e-mail sent to Mikey might be published if you get nasty or it's something worthwhile...


Help Mike deal with his mounting medical bills

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